Until Then
by samuraiheart
Summary: My first Greenwood fic. I wrote it quite a while ago. Mitsuru angst with unexpected results. shounen-ai.
1. Chapter One

samuraiheart's Here is Greenwood fic 

**Until Then**

_ by samuraiheart_

Warning: This contains shounen-ai. That means **two guys** are going to have a relationship beyond friendship. Please leave now if this offends you. 

PART ONE

_Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me and I am not making any money off of this so please don't sue me. If anyone wants to post this fic somewhere please ask me first. Thanks and I hope you enjoy this story._

"Shun, you have a visitor." Shinobu said while poking his head into the room.

"Oh. Who is it?"

"I don't know. She didn't say."

Shun walked down the hall anxiously. He seldom got visitors and he couldn't even remember the last time a girl had come, but his smile faded when he saw who it was and he glared at Shinobu for getting his hopes up. It was a girl, but it was only an old friend from junior high that didn't mean much to him anymore.

"Hi Sumiko. What are you doing here?" Shun said as he entered the room and the girl stood to greet him.

Shinobu, Mitsuru, Hasakawa and others drifted away and back to what they were doing when they realized nothing interesting was going on, but at dinner that night everyone was curious. Mitsuru, Shinobu and Hasakawa sat together near Shun and immediately began the interrogation. 

"So who was she?" Shinobu asked. 

"Oh, don't worry about her. It's kind of sad really." 

"What do you mean?" Hasukawa asked in between bites. He had to get to his food before Mitsuru did. 

"Well, we were really good friends in junior high, but I guess she wanted more. She told me she loved me and I tried to let her down gently, but I just never thought about her in that way. The friendship was never really the same after that." 

Shinobu winced slightly as he saw Mitsuru drop his chopsticks. Mitsuru closed his eyes as his thoughts leapt back to a day about a month ago. The similarities were startling. Mitsuru had poured his heart out to Shinobu not really knowing what to expect. Sometimes Shinobu was so distant that he could never really tell what he was thinking, but as soon as he said those three words he knew it was a mistake. The look on Shinobu's face made it clear that he did not feel the same way. Shinobu had apologized and said he hoped they could remain friends, but Mitsuru's heart had shattered and it was only now that he was getting over it. For days after that Mitsuru and Shinobu had barely spoken, but today had been different. They had even teased Hasakawa together like old times, but then Shun's visitor had brought it all back. Feelings of regret, anger and sadness swirled around Mitsuru's soul as he struggled with his chopsticks. He just couldn't seem to concentrate. Shinobu watched with a twinge of guilt as the chopsticks shook in Mitsuru's hands. 

"Shinobu… didn't you hear me?" Shun said staring at Shinobu. 

"What… I'm sorry what did you say?" 

"What would you have done in that situation?" Shun repeated.

"Oh… I don't know… probably the same thing… I guess." He tried to avoid looking at Mitsuru as he said it. 

The brown haired boy was only half listening, but he wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. Abruptly he stood up, took his tray and left the cafeteria. The three others stared after him with concern and disbelief.

"What was that all about?" Hasakawa said. 

"I don't know." Shinobu said innocently. 

They both had different ways of dealing with the situation. Mitsuru sank into his own little world while Shinobu put up a false exterior. Neither approach was helping the situation and at this rate it could only get worse.

Mitsuru wandered the streets around the school for several hours trying to figure out what he should do next. The city seemed so empty and cold, but he did not want to go back to his room. He could picture Shinobu's smirk as he came in and now it was so late that he'd have to sneak in through the window. Would Shinobu even let him in? How would he explain what had happened? 

"Everything was going so well… but I guess I'm not over you yet. I'm not sure I ever will be. Damn you Shinobu! Damn you!" Mitsuru thought to himself as he sank onto a bench and let the tears fall. 

A cold wind blew the autumn leaves around and Mitsuru shivered. He wiped his eyes, stood up hesitantly and headed back to the dorm. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he knew he couldn't stay out here all night. 

Shinobu lay in his bed staring at the bunk above him. It was empty and despite all efforts to conceal it, that worried him. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Mitsuru's face and that piercing look in his eyes accusing him. 

Shinobu got up when he heard a noise at the window and looked out just in time to see Shun open his window and Mitsuru crawl inside. Shinobu breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was safe, but he couldn't help glancing at the empty bunk above him and wishing Mitsuru was there. As his thoughts centered on his friend he put his hand on the wall that joined the two rooms. 

"Mitsuru…" he said softly and rested his cheek on the smooth wall. He closed his eyes and ran his fingers over the surface. At least he could feel his presence. He'd always been able to do that and even though it wasn't as close as he would have liked it to be, he was finally able to fall asleep knowing Mitsuru was nearby in the next room.

"Mitsuru… what's this about?" Hasakawa said annoyed.

Mitsuru answered with a blank stare and a pleading look at Shun. Shun laid some blankets on the floor. 

"There… Mitsuru you can sleep here." 

"Thanks" he said softly as he settled into the makeshift bed.

"But… I'm the dorm president – I deserve to know…" 

"Hasakawa!" Shun said sternly. "Let's just let him sleep." 

Mitsuru smiled ever so slightly and looked at Shun gratefully "Thanks." he repeated before drifting off into a restless sleep.

To be continued… 

[Back to samuraiheart's main fan fiction page][1]

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   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/ccsff
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/kokoro_no_samurai



	2. Chapter Two

samuraiheart's Here is Greenwood fic 

**Until Then**

_ by samuraiheart_

PART TWO

_Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me and I am not making any money off of this so please don't sue me. If anyone wants to post this fic somewhere please ask me first. Thanks and I hope you enjoy this story._

Warning: This contains shounen-ai. That means **two guys** are going to have a relationship beyond friendship. Please leave now if this offends you.

Shinobu woke up early the next morning and got ready for class. He didn't really want to see Mitsuru this morning so he wanted to be able to leave almost as soon as he came back He'd have to come back to get new clothes. Just then he heard a soft knock at the door and a smile briefly crossed his lips as he opened the door for Mitsuru. Guilt tugged at his heart as he glanced over his best friend. Shinobu quickly left the room and shut the door behind him. He must really be taking this hard. Although Shinobu had to admit the boy was cute with his hair ruffled like that, the dark circles under his eyes and the clear look of pain on his face concerned him. 

Mitsuru slowly got undressed and pulled on a clean uniform. He gathered his books and struggled with the last touch of his outfit – the tie. He always had trouble with it, but usually Shinobu was there to help. He bit his lip as he heard the door open. He turned to see Shinobu standing in front of the closed door.

"Good Morning." He said calmly trying not to meet Mitsuru's gaze.

Mitsuru let out a shaky breath. "Why did he come back? Is he checking on me? Great… just what I need… Why doesn't he just leave me alone?" he though to himself.

"Good morning." Mitsuru answered flatly.

Shinobu shuffled through some papers on his desk and pretended to find what he was looking for. He stuffed a blank sheet of paper into his bag before Mitsuru could see it. He didn't really need anything, but he wanted to make sure his friend was okay.

He stared at Mitsuru harshly as he struggled with the tie. "Why does he do this to himself? Why would anyone love me? He should just forget about me – everything was so much simpler when we were just friends. Besides you promised yourself you would never tell him how you really felt – no matter what." Shinobu reminded himself.

Mitsuru couldn't take much more of this. He knew Shinobu was looking at him and he was about to give up on the tie. He finally threw his hands down in defeat. He wanted to give in to the sadness that had enveloped his soul. He felt his knees give out from under him before he knew what was happening. He grabbed onto the desk in search of support and felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and another pulling him into the chair.

"Here, let me help you with that."

Shinobu leaned over Mitsuru carefully and tied the tie. For a few seconds they were so close. Shinobu's hair fell softly on Mitsuru's cheeks as he bent over to straighten the tie. Then he pulled away quickly as he realized how close they really were. He scolded himself for the mistake. He had already hurt Mitsuru so much – don't tease him. His heart ached as he saw the glisten in Mitsuru's eyes that meant he was on the verge of tears, but then he wiped them away and seemed to regain control.

"Let's go to class." He said quickly. 

"Okay." Mitsuru nodded and stood to pick up his backpack. The two boys headed off to their respective classes and promised to meet for lunch like usual.

The next evening Shinobu sat on his bed with a book trying to study for an upcoming test, but he couldn't get Mitsuru out of his mind. His friend had been so distant at lunch yesterday and today hadn't been much better. He had barely eaten and he hadn't even tried to steal any of Hasakawa's food. 

He gathered his thoughts as the door opened and Mitsuru returned from band practice. Shinobu glanced down at his book hoping to avoid a confrontation with Mitsuru, but he looked up when he heard the boy climb into the top bunk. Shinobu leaned over and looked up to see what he was doing.

"Are you going to bed this early?"

Mitsuru rolled over to face the wall. "Leave me alone, Shinobu."

The icy words stung his heart, but not nearly as much as the occasional sniffle and soft sob he heard from above as he tried to study. He finally shut his book in defeat.

"We need to talk Mitsuru." He said suddenly surprising even himself.

Mitsuru turned over and glared at him making no attempt to hide the tears streaking down his cheeks. A knock on the door interrupted the moment. Mitsuru rolled over and pulled the cover over his head, grateful for the distraction. The last thing he wanted to do was talk.

Shinobu glared at Hasakawa and Shun as he opened the door, but it didn't last. He smiled apologetically when they stepped back a bit.

"Are you two coming to dinner?"

"Sure. We'll be there in a minute."

"Okay." 

Shinobu closed the door. 

"Come on Mitsuru, lets go eat." No answer. Shinobu pulled the covers off of the bed and grabbed Mitsuru's arm. He pulled until the boy complied and got out of bed. Shinobu didn't let go of the boy's arm and Mitsuru followed resignedly as Shinobu led him to the bathroom. He gathered some paper towels and thrust them into Mitsuru's hands.

"Here, wipe your face unless you want to explain this to Hasakawa."

The words were harsh, but Mitsuru understood the sentiment. Sometimes despite everything he showed to the world, Shinobu really could be understanding. He was a good friend.

"If only I didn't want him to be more," The words echoed in Mitsuru's thoughts as he tried to smile.

That gentle curving of lips was enough to make Shinobu's heart soar. He tried to ignore the sadness behind it and convince himself that everything would be all right. Now they just had to get through dinner.

It was too quiet Shinobu decided. The four of them sat at the table in silence. Shun and Hasakawa were beginning to catch on – well at least Shun was and no one really knew what to say. Mitsuru didn't feel like saying anything. He could feel himself slipping slowly out of reality's grasp as thoughts of futility and hopelessness took over. He paid no particular attention to the food he put in his mouth.

He kept asking himself over and over "Why?"

Hasakawa and Shun darted each other concerned looks as Shinobu searched for something to break the silence. Finally, out of desperation he reached over and plucked a piece of fish from Hasakawa's bowl. 

"If you're not going to do it Mitsuru, I will."

Hasakawa and Shun laughed nervously and looked at Mitsuru expectantly. Shinobu held the bit of fish in front of Mitsuru and nudged him. Mitsuru looked at his three friends and smiled halfheartedly. His eyes looked so empty. Shinobu began to panic. He didn't want to lose his best friend. He was sorry for everything that had happened, but this couldn't continue. He put his hands on Mitsuru's shoulders and shook him gently and then, when there was no response, a little harder. Mitsuru looked up at Shinobu with wide eyes.

"Snap out of it Mitsuru. Please."

Mitsuru looked down and let his bangs fall, concealing his eyes. His shoulders sagged.

Shun pulled Shinobu's hands from Mitsuru's shoulders.

"I know you're trying Shinobu, but this isn't helping. I think we're all finished. Why don't we go back to our rooms?" 

Hasakawa looked confused, but he picked up his and Mitsuru's trays and Shun got his and Shinobu's.

The four friends walked slowly out of the cafeteria ignoring the concerned looks of their classmates. Despite Mitsuru's insistence that he could make it on his own, Shinobu kept one arm placed carefully around Mitsuru's waist. His friend's unsteadiness worried him. Mitsuru grudgingly accepted his friend's support. He could see the door to his room only a few steps away. Then Shinobu would close the door and shut out the stares of the rest of the world. Just a few more steps. Hasakawa and Shun followed closely not really sure what was going on, but wanting to help. Mitsuru could feel the weight of the world and all of his emotions and it was too much. His vision was beginning to blur around the edges. He didn't know what was going on. He turned his head slightly to the left and shot Shinobu a panicked look. Shinobu barely had time to interpret it before Mitsuru's eyes closed and he collapsed onto the hard wood floor just outside the door to their room. Shinobu reached out to catch his friend, but it was too late. He stared helplessly for a few seconds at Mitsuru's fallen form before snapping into action. He quickly took control of the situation. A nagging feeling of panic and concern tugged at his thoughts, but he brushed it away as he turned towards his friends. 

"Hasakawa, go get Kazuhiro. Shun, get some water. I'll get him to bed."

Shinobu put an arm under Mitsuru's back and lifted him to a sitting position up against the wall. When Shun came back, he placed the glass of water on the desk and helped Shinobu pull Mitsuru into the room. Without a second thought, Shinobu placed Mitsuru in his own bed and pulled the covers over him up to his shoulders. He was tired of hiding it and Shun smiled slightly as his suspicions were confirmed when Shinobu stroked Mitsuru's jaw line softly. Shinobu gazed at the peaceful look on Mitsuru's face and was thankful for this opportunity to admire him unnoticed. Then, realizing that Shun was still there, he pulled away quickly. Shun tilted his head slightly and stared at Shinobu in disbelief.

"You've never told him have you?"

Shinobu turned an icy glare on Shun, but gave it up with a simple "No."

"You know he loves you too."

"I know."

"Then why are you putting him through this?"

Shinobu opened his mouth to respond, but had no idea where to begin. Mitsuru was such a wonderful person. Shinobu didn't deserve the love of someone like that so he had pushed him away, but Mitsuru wouldn't give up and now… Shinobu glanced over at his bed. "What have I done?" he thought.

A few moments later Hasakawa came back with Kazuhiro right behind him. Kazuhiro headed towards the bed where Mitsuru was now resting.

"What happened?" he said turning to Shinobu.

Shinobu stepped back at the accusation. He paled slightly, but Shun stepped forward and answered for him.

"We were coming back from dinner and he just fainted."

"Hmmm."

Kazuhiro knelt beside the bed and checked for fever or any other symptoms that might explain this behavior, but he found none.

"Well, I can't find anything wrong with him. Have you noticed anything strange over the last couple of days?"

"Well…" Hasakawa began, but Shinobu had regained control by now and interrupted quickly.

"No… thanks, but I think he's just tired. Too much studying or something."

Kazuhiro raised an eyebrow. He knew he was being left out of something, but he decided not to pursue it. Whatever was wrong with Mitsuru didn't seem to be serious and he was pretty sure they could work it out on their own.

"Mitsuru studying too much? Maybe he is sick." Kazuhiro smiled and turned to leave.

"Seriously though call me if he gets any worse."

"Okay. We will. Thanks."

Shun put a hand on Shinobu's shoulder, "Are you going to be okay?".

Shinobu nodded. 

Hasakawa was starting to get angry. Why did everyone seem to know what was going on, but him?

"Guys, would someone please tell me what's going on? Why are you asking Shinobu if he's okay?" 

Shun shot Hasukawa an exasperated look.

"If you need anything, we'll be right next door."

Shun pushed Hasakawa out the door and Shinobu could hear him protesting all the way back to their room. Shun poked his head back inside briefly. He looked straight at Shinobu and said firmly, "Tell him."

Shun shut the door and left the two friends alone.

To be continued… 

[Back to samuraiheart's main fan fiction page][1]

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   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/ccsff
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/kokoro_no_samurai



	3. Chapter Three

samuraiheart's Here is Greenwood fic 

**Until Then**

_ by samuraiheart_

PART THREE

_Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me and I am not making any money off of this so please don't sue me. If anyone wants to post this fic somewhere please ask me first. Thanks and I hope you enjoy this story._

Warning: This contains shounen-ai. That means **two guys** are going to have a relationship beyond friendship. Please leave now if this offends you.

Shinobu sat up with Mitsuru for several hours watching him breathe, stroking his hair and hoping that this could all be resolved soon. He knew Shun was right. Mitsuru wasn't going to let go of this so Shinobu would have to let go of his own fears and tell Mitsuru the truth.

When had this all started? "How long have I loved you Mitsuru?" Shinobu smiled when he couldn't imagine a time when he had not loved him. "So why haven't I told you… why have I put you through this?"

Shinobu sighed as insecurity and self-doubt took over, but they melted away as he glanced at Mitsuru. It doesn't matter to him, he thought suddenly. He knows everything about me and he still loves me. 

Glancing at his alarm clock, Shinobu decided he'd better go to bed. It was getting late. He leaned over Mitsuru and kissed him on the cheek. 

"I'll do it for you Mitsuru. I'd do anything for you." He whispered.

He climbed into the top bunk and fell asleep quickly.

Several hours later, as the sun was beginning to rise, Shinobu woke up to the sound of Mitsuru's voice. It took him a moment to realize what was going on.

"No… no… no… please no." he heard Mitsuru repeating over and over.

He climbed down and found Mitsuru asleep, but obviously struggling with some sort of nightmare. Small beads of sweat had formed on his temples and forehead and he was clutching the blanket tightly. Shinobu shook him gently until he opened his eyes. He looked so lost and he was shaking. Shinobu sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to him. 

"It was only a dream Mitsuru… only a dream."

Mitsuru leaned into the embrace and rested his head on Shinobu's shoulder. His breathing was ragged. 

"It was so real." He said breathlessly. 

"It's okay… its over now." Shinobu said calmly.

He ran his hand through Mitsuru's soft brown hair and held him closer.

Suddenly, Mitsuru stiffened and pulled away until he was up against the wall as far from Shinobu as he could get in the small space of the bed.

He glared at Shinobu and said, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"But Mitsuru…" Shinobu pleaded.

"Leave me alone."

Mitsuru threw the covers over his head and buried his face in the pillow. He half expected Shinobu to pull them off, but instead he felt Shinobu stand up. He peeked out from under the covers and saw the hurt look on Shinobu's face as he climbed back up to the top bunk.

The situation worsened over the next few days. Mitsuru and Shinobu either barely spoke or yelled at one another. It was hard to tell which one would be next. Hasukawa and Shun worried more and more as they watched the relationship deteriorate. 

One afternoon in particular, the four were going to watch a movie in Shinobu and Mitsuru's room. Shun and Hasukawa came in to find Mitsuru huddled in the corner. 

"Are you okay?" Hasukawa asked hesitantly even though it was obvious that he wasn't.

"Fine."

"Where's Shinobu?" Shun questioned.

"How would I know?" he said bitterly, but Shun could tell he was more upset than he was letting on. "I haven't seen him all day."

Just then Shinobu stepped into the room and Mitsuru stood up.

"Where have you been?" he said harshly.

Shinobu met his gaze. "Why do you care?"

All signs of anger left Mitsuru's face and were replaced by an aching sadness.

"I just do, okay." He said weakly.

Silence echoed through the room as Hasakawa and Shun glanced from Shinobu to Mitsuru waiting for someone to say something.

"I don't see any point to this anymore. I don't see any point to anything." Mitsuru said finally and stormed out of the room.

Shinobu stared after him, anger still burning his soul, but quickly fading and turning into fear as he hoped Mitsuru wouldn't do anything stupid.

Hasakawa nudged Shinobu. "Go after him," he said seriously. 

Shun looked at him quizzically and said, "Please Shinobu."

Shinobu walked slowly down the hall and past the gates. He didn't have any idea where Mitsuru could be, but something drew him to the park. There on a park bench mostly hidden by trees, he saw him. Mitsuru was sitting bent over with his hands over his face. He was trying desperately to stop crying, but the tears kept coming. He looked up when he heard footsteps, but when he saw that it was only Shinobu he turned to face the opposite direction. 

Shinobu sat silently for several minutes trying to decide what to do. It was such a relief just to see that Mitsuru was alright. Well not alright, but at least he was safe. 

"I'm glad I found you." He said turning to Mitsuru.

Mitsuru looked up coldly, "Why do you care whether I live or die?"

Shinobu couldn't help but smile a little – Mitsuru really had no idea. 

Shinobu said calmly, "I care very much."

Mitsuru sat up and turned towards Shinobu. "Then why do you do this to me?" The words were meant to sound angry, but his eyes searched for an answer. 

Shinobu clasped his hands together in his lap and then shifted his legs slightly. He lifted a hand to his hair and brushed it out of the way a couple of times before he seemed to come to a decision. Mitsuru's eyes widened as he realized that Shinobu was nervous. He hadn't ever seen him like this before.

"Because I was afraid Mitsuru." He was looking at the ground, but Mitsuru could hear the emotion behind his words. "I was afraid I didn't deserve someone like you." Now he looked up and faced Mitsuru sincerely. "I've loved you for a long time and I don't want to lose you now." 

Mitsuru sat in stunned silence for a few seconds. He didn't know what to do. So many fears and doubts rushed into his thoughts as he fought to understand the situation. He finally gave in to the only action that made any sense to him at the moment. He had to get as far away from there as possible.

"Oh yeah… well maybe its too late."

He turned and walked away, but not before he saw that Shinobu was crying. He wanted so badly to stay and comfort him, but he couldn't. This just didn't make sense. 

Hours later Mitsuru stood outside the dorm faced with the irony of the situation. Now he desperately wanted to see Shinobu, but he was still afraid that Shinobu wouldn't open the window. The light was on though so maybe that was a good sign. He hoped he hadn't lost his chance. He still couldn't believe what he had said to Shinobu in the park and the image of tears streaking his best friend's cheeks was enough to make him tremble even more.

He tapped softly on the window and waited. He was surprised to see Hasakawa open the window for him.

"Come in." he said.

Mitsuru climbed inside and paused to take in the scene as Hasukawa closed the window behind him. Shinobu was sitting on the edge of the bottom bunk clutching a warm cup of tea. It was obvious that he was upset, but he was trying not to show it. Shun leaned over and gave him a brief hug before he took the tea and gestured to Hasakawa that they should leave. The door closed softly behind them as Mitsuru stood awkwardly in front of Shinobu.

"I'm so sorry Shinobu." He said sincerely, his voice cracking slightly on his friend's name.

He sat beside him on the bed and hung his head in defeat. Shinobu reached out to him gently.

"No.. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I never meant to hurt you."

Mitsuru smiled a little and looked over at his friend. They both leaned close to one another and embraced.

"I love you, Shinobu."

"I love you too, Mitsuru."

They held each other for several minutes, neither wanting to let go of the one that meant so much to them. Mitsuru sighed and looked over at Shinobu. 

"It was worth all the pain just to get to this moment."

Shinobu leaned over and kissed Mitsuru on the cheek.

"We have a long way to go."

THE END

[Back to samuraiheart's main fan fiction page][1]

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   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/ccsff
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/kokoro_no_samurai



End file.
